We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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