i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
