my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
it's like iHOP with fire
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
