i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
