You just made me feel so damn special
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
