Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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