i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
