Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
