I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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