mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
