In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
