This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
