Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just tell him i said nine months
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
