walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
