her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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