He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize