Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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