I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
