My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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