i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
