Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
