pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize