gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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