I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
