We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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