All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
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