my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
