Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Someone came in the potted fern
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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