i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
