He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
