Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
