Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
