Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
