Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
