I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
