I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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