no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
