my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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