if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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