This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I stole a fireplace last night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
