Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize