I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
