Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize