loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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