9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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