Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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