when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
