I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
