I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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