Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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