Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
smell my finger.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
