She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
