i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
