The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
