It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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