tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
