I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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