The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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