FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
