Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
