Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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