I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
