First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have feelings that need drinking.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
