I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
