cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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