32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I want a musical about memes.
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